Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
