well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
