Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
