id be glad to
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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