alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just had sex on a roof
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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