moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You ruined the universe
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
