Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
