32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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