I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
