She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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