i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
