I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize