ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
