considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
