thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
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