So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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