whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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