I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
