I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
