there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
