i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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