is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
