hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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