I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
