Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
