your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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