i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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