I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
