Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
