put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
