I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
ok first of all what the fuck
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
