Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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