Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
