The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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