We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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