Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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