we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
