I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
