so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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