So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
