I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
