I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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