There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
