You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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