Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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