It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
