When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
