im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
