I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
