Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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