cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
