i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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