i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
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I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
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at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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