8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
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can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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