before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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