I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
