As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
