Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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