i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
