The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
