That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
