Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Success! We fucked roommates!
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