All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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