Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
