Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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