how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
