I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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