This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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