so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
